Emotionally Abusive Relationships and Healing: In My Own Words

The following post comes to us via Ava Budavari-Glenn, a political communications major and a nonprofit communications minor who is entering her sophomore year at Emerson College. She is a writer whose work focuses mainly on advocacy, and a community organizer who has worked for nonprofit organizations and political campaigns. She is a media and communications intern at Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona.

Part I: Signs of an Abusive Relationship

I’m not ready to tell my story yet. I don’t know when or if I ever will be. But I am writing for my younger self, who was in the middle of a toxic situation and didn’t have the language to understand what was happening to her. I have not studied this academically — I am just talking about my own experience. And sometimes that’s what people need to listen to. I know I did and still do.

Emotional abuse is an attempt to control another person through behavior that causes psychological trauma or distress. Continue reading to identify the warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.

They body shame you. It may be in a sarcastic tone or disguised as a joke, just ways for them to tease you because they “like you.” It may also be covert; they might not directly call you fat or ugly, but find other ways to degrade your body. Tell you you’re too slow. You don’t run fast enough. You’re not strong enough. They may make fun of your athletic ability, call you names even if you’re just playing a game for fun.

Their mood is unreliable. Everyone has good days and bad days, but the kind of day anyone is having should not determine how they treat people. They’re happy to see you one minute and completely ignoring you the next. They are flirting with you one minute and glaring at you 15 minutes later. You haven’t changed your behavior or what you have said. Whether you can have a nice conversation is totally dependent on their behavior, giving them complete control of the situation. They make you feel like everything is your fault. You find yourself asking questions like, “What am I doing wrong to make this person so upset?” That is a power imbalance, which is one way they trap you: It makes you think that “they have good moments too, they are not always bad” — because if they were always horrible it would make it easier for you to leave. This back-and-forth unpredictability is a way to control you. Continue reading

Meet Our Candidates: Felicia French for State Representative, LD 6

The time to fight back — and fight forward — for reproductive justice is fast approaching. The stakes are high in this year’s state election, with candidates for governor, secretary of state, attorney general, and other races on the ballot. The Arizona general election will be held November 6, 2018 — and early voting began on October 10. Voters needed to have been registered by October 9 to cast their ballots. Reproductive health has been under attack, both nationally and statewide, but Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona has endorsed candidates who put our health and our rights first. Get to know them now in our series of “Meet Our Candidates” interviews, and make your voice heard in 2018!

Felicia French is easily the most overqualified newcomer to seek public office in Arizona this election cycle. Ms. French is a nurse, veteran, and parent, and is running for one of the two state House seats in the 6th legislative district. This sprawling district in northern Arizona spans the political spectrum from bright blue to deep red, from the Grand Canyon in the north to the Tonto National Forest in the south, and from Jerome in the west to Holbrook in the east. It includes rural communities like Payson and mountain towns like Flagstaff.


“During an uncertain time at the federal level, state legislators have an important role to play in protecting human rights.”


Currently represented by politicians who consistently vote to gut public education, limit health care access, and exploit the environment, LD 6 is desperate for some small-d democratic representation. Unfortunately, those who oppose Planned Parenthood and the care we provide have been actively targeting Arizona values of liberty and equality for quite some time.

Luckily, Felicia French has had a strong campaign to ensure all those in the 6th legislative district have access to health care, quality education, and clean air and water. Ms. French generously took the time to tell us more about her background and her candidacy on October 3.

Please tell us a little about your background and why you’re running for office right now in this political climate.

I am a retired colonel who served in the U.S. Army and Arizona National Guard as a nurse, MedEvac helicopter pilot, Arizona state equal employment officer, and senior medical advisor in Afghanistan. I’m also a mother, an educator, a sustainability scientist, an activist with Sierra Club, and a volunteer with my local search and rescue, Civil Air Patrol, and Community Emergency Response Team. I’m running for office because I couldn’t stand to see the divisiveness in our country, my state, and my local community. After serving in the military for 32 years and watching my soldiers wounded and killed to defend our nation, I felt strongly that this is not what I served for, and that I needed to do something. Continue reading