Being a Parent of a Gender-fluid Youth

My child, assigned female at birth, is discovering who they are. They have been gay, straight, pansexual, and everything in between. They have been male, female, both, and neither. They go by both their given name and the name they chose for themselves as a male.

They use the men’s restroom in public and have a “boy” haircut, but still love flowy dresses they can twirl and feel pretty in. They bind their breasts when they feel like a boy, but wear a basic bra when they feel like a girl. They don’t wear a bikini to the pool, but rather a swim shirt and trunks to feel the most comfortable in their skin.


“I am incredibly proud of the person my child is becoming and look forward to all the things they will accomplish.”


Since they now identify as both genders, but more often male, they chose the label gender-fluid. Gender-fluid means “denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender,” as from the Google dictionary.

Even though they now fit into one of the many labels available to them, it has been hard for me to accept the loss of my little girl. I have felt confusion and fear, sometimes so strangulating I fight back tears. Confusion as to whether I did something wrong in their younger years, or if there was something I could have done better to help them accept the gender they were born in. As I’ve had time to reflect, it has become apparent to me that my confusion came from a place of misunderstanding. An ignorance of how gender expression can be more than just male or female; that androgyny is an expression of gender as well, and there are many ways to explore gender other than simply what I grew up to accept. I have come to understand my child and I are on a path of self-discovery together, learning and growing into more well-rounded people as a result. Continue reading

Today Is Transgender Day of Remembrance and Resilience

The following guest post comes to us via Kelley Dupps, public policy manager for Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona.

candleNovember 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance & Resilience — a day that honors the memory of those killed because of anti-transgender prejudice. So far this year, each week a trans woman lost her life to this violence. Targeted simply for who they were, these women should not only be remembered and celebrated but should also be fuel to power the movement that stands up for fairness and equality for trans folks.

Transgender Day of Remembrance & Resilience is also an opportunity for the trans community and our allies to share stories about pervasive crimes against trans folks and to celebrate the resilience of a community often living in the shadows. The 2014 Hate Violence Report, which documented hate crimes perpetrated against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected individuals, showed an increase in transgender murder victims. Of the murder victims documented in this report, 80 percent were people of color, and 50 percent were transgender women. Transgender people of color were also 6 times more likely than the other groups studied to experience physical violence from police. These reports from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs paint a bleak picture for the transgender community, particularly the trans women of color communities. The FBI also tracks violence against those living with HIV and is able to get a more complete picture of the violence targeted to trans communities.

Findings from the Injustice at Every Turn report, conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality, showed alarming rates of violence and harassment experienced by the transgender community, including in educational settings, at work, during interactions with police and other authorities, at homeless shelters, when accessing public accommodations, and in jails and prisons.

At this time, 14 states, the District of Columbia, and more than 125 municipalities offer hate crimes protections that are inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity. Arizona is not currently one of the states that protects LGBTQ people from violence and discrimination; however, several cities in Arizona do have nondiscrimination policies that protect city workers and community members: Phoenix, Tucson, Flagstaff, and Tempe.

After its signing in October 2009, the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act has made it a federal hate crime to assault an individual based on actual or perceived disability, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity. This landmark legislation both mandates that the FBI track hate crimes based on anti-transgender bias and allows the Justice Department to assist in the prosecution of local hate crimes based on gender identity.

Much more needs to be done to address the level of violence and harassment targeted at transgender individuals. Please take a moment to remember those lost to violence and celebrate the resilient trans spirit. It’s time we commit to creating a world inclusive of all trans folks. Tag your own selfie and transformational message of how you would make your community safer for transgender people and post on social media with the hashtags #TransMonth and #PPAZ.


You can follow PPAA on Twitter @ppazaction and Instagram @PPAArizona.