Tag Archives: emotions

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Tracey’s Story

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The following post comes to us via Tracey Sands, a graduate student at Arizona State University’s West Campus studying communication as it relates to advocacy. Tracey believes dialogue is an act of love and strives to empower others to find and use their voice. She is an education outreach intern at Planned Parenthood Arizona.

It was a Monday. It was just like every other day. I went to work, ate lunch with my coworkers, went home, ran a few miles, watched a few episodes on Netflix (Parks and Recreation, of course), and went to bed all cozied up in my warm, winter-themed footie pajamas. It was just like every other day. And then it wasn’t. On Monday, January 13, 2015, I had a miscarriage.

At 11:30 p.m., I woke up screaming and in the fetal position. I was in so much pain, which came out of nowhere. I couldn’t process what was happening. I went to the bathroom to change my tampon and blood was everywhere. My gut already knew what I couldn’t let my mind or heart accept: I was having a miscarriage.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Let’s use this day to share our stories.

After coming to my senses, I went to the emergency department. I was brought into a room within five minutes of my arrival and was given an IV of morphine. The pain didn’t go away. It came, and it went. I was having contractions, yet my head and heart still did not want to accept the fact that I was (1) even pregnant and (2) having a miscarriage.

After experiencing what may have been the most excruciating physical pain of my life, the existential questions that scarred my mind afterward were of a different, much deeper type of pain. How ignorant am I not to know my own body enough to realize I was pregnant? How do I mourn the loss of my baby when I didn’t know I was pregnant? How do I mourn the loss of my baby when I didn’t even want one? Due to the intensity and confusion of the feelings surrounding my miscarriage, these distressing thoughts had nowhere to go, staying within the walls of my own experience, ultimately creating a vacuum of shame and guilt. Continue reading →

Ending a Wanted Pregnancy: Jacqueline’s Story

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The following guest post comes to us via Jacqueline M.

My name is Jacqueline. I’m 31, part of the upper-middle class, happily married to the love of my life, and I had a second-trimester abortion.

My world turned upside down on February 4, 2019. At my 19.5-week ultrasound, the tech became strangely quiet following several minutes of joking with my husband and me. I thought nothing of it as my eyes obsessed over every inch of my little girl on the screen. The ultrasound complete, I cleaned the cold gel off of my belly and eagerly dressed to go speak with my PA.

“As all of my daydreams about raising a child vanished in an onslaught of medical terminology, my husband and I knew one thing: We could not put our daughter through the brief life of agony that awaited her.”

When she walked in the door, I excitedly gushed my questions and observations, which she answered without the enthusiasm I had come to expect during my appointments with her. When I finally paused, she looked me in the eye and said, “We’ve noticed what looks to be an omphalocele. Your daughter will need surgery the moment she is born to put her intestines back inside of her, but there is a 90 percent survival rate. There is also a 3-inch cyst on your ovaries. It’s so large that we can’t tell whether it’s on one or both, and we need to send you to a high-risk prenatal doctor.”

Sad and afraid, but determined, we went to see the high-risk OB the very next day. I was given a detailed level 2 ultrasound by a tech, and I took in all of the tiny details of my little girl that I wasn’t able to enjoy from the quality of my routine images: her tiny toes, a dainty hand, the small curve in her button nose. I gobbled her up, my daughter, my first child, still completely unaware of how terribly wrong my pregnancy had gone. Continue reading →

Over 90 Percent of What Planned Parenthood Does, Part 24: Miscarriage Management and Counseling

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Welcome to the latest installment of “Over 90 Percent of What Planned Parenthood Does,” a series on Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona’s blog that highlights Planned Parenthood’s diverse array of services — the ones Jon Kyl never knew about.

holding handsMiscarriage. It’s a common occurrence — at least 10 to 15 percent of all pregnancies end this way — but one that is not often spoken about. When carrying a wanted pregnancy, its sudden loss can trigger a range of emotions. During this time, Planned Parenthood can help.

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel after having a miscarriage.

What Is Miscarriage?

When a pregnancy ends before it has reached the 20-week mark, a miscarriage has occurred; most miscarriages occur within the first eight weeks of pregnancy. Pregnancy loss after the 20-week mark is called stillbirth, and while it isn’t as common as miscarriage, stillbirth occurs in 1 out of 160 pregnancies.

Signs of a miscarriage include vaginal bleeding or spotting, severe abdominal pain or cramping, pain or pressure in the lower back, or a change in vaginal discharge. These symptoms aren’t specific to miscarriage — they could indicate other problems, so visit a health-care provider if you experience them during your pregnancy.

After a miscarriage, you might have pregnancy-related hormones circulating in your body for one or two months. Your period will most likely return within 4 to 6 weeks. While you may be physically ready to get pregnant again after you’ve had a normal period, you might want to consult with a health-care provider about the need for medical tests. You also might need to think about when you will be emotionally ready to try for another pregnancy. Continue reading →